In the last year planetary energy (specifically the Leo/Aquarius Nodal change and eclipses and the end of my Saturn return), combined with my personal pursuit of internal peace through shadow work, emotional growth through release, and spiritual study and evolution has provided me with some eye-opening, game changing, and ultimately necessary truths. The insights I’ve come into continually increase both in depth and value, while ultimately putting into perspective those blind spots in my experience that keep me from evolving beyond them. Personal will and action, self worth, discernment and effective assertive communication repeatedly have come up as issues w/which I must contend. These are the corner stone issues challenging me and strengthening my will to transform my life.
Currently, I am taking time to review my journal entries, experiences, and changes in perspective over this time period and clarifying the short term goals, challenges, and issues affecting long term manifestation of a lifestyle and internal connection that is authentic and autonomous. As part of this process I am adding a daily mantra to my morning routine to remind me of my own potential and what it takes to reach it.
The quality of my life is dependent on understanding and acceptance of my power with full awareness. Power implies responsibility to and for self. Therefore, my potential for manifesting fulfilling life experiences is determined by the degree to which I willingly take responsibility for and authentically express my personal power.
Clarifying what element is lacking in my pursuit of the life I want and it is accepting my power due to the responsibility wielding it entails. I literally fear success. The intimidated, envious, competitive energies of others are harsh to someone like myself, who while undeniably powerful is also hypersensitive/empathic. I know that in expressing what I now recognize as both a unique, transformative, and addictive energy will draw in both positive and negative responses from my environment and I simply had not until recently come to a place where I felt confident enough to maintain internal balance while dealing with the negative perceptions, behaviors and energies of others.
Fear or responsibility and constant worry over the opinions of others have manifested blockages, conflicts and unexpected outcomes whenever I halfheartedly pursued a desire I was fully capable of making real. Every time I did not act according to my full capacity or in my own best interest, the result was either disappointing or downright damaging and as I accept responsibility for my role in my own satisfaction, I realize that it was my own actions and experiences that damaged and disappointed me. As I re-enter a new and deeper period of transition and transformation, accountability is now my goal and means.