I remember…

…things based on how emotionally attached I was/am in the moment.
There are moments, phrases, feelings and situations I remember with glaring clarity.   Every nuance of them  replays in my mind like a record skipping under an old needle.  It’s not that they are always pleasant to remember (frankly, most aren’t), but because of how they’d affected me emotionally as they occurred.  Brief excerpts of old conversations with mothers, friends, lovers, even bosses float up into consciousness like wildfire smoke.

At opposite ends of my capacity to remember are things preplanned routines, the location of my keys throughout the day, what I ate for breakfast, the color of the underwear I put on this morning (on the worst days anyway), all of which are things I pay close enough attention to as I am making choices about them.  Nonetheless, these things, as important as they are, are often “out of sight out of mind” almost as if they were figments of my imagination.

As I now am starting to take greater care with how I choose to view and recreate myself on a day to day basis, I’m drawn to my memory, how many of them still affect me deeply, how I can learn to let go of or transform that mental energy and how I might use it to transform the way I view my current lifestyle, and alter my responses to my environment in the interest of personal growth and transformation.  Living in here and now is an endless learning journey.

 

#NowPlaying: “Understand” by The Roots feat. Dice Raw
#NowReading: “Context is Everything: The Nature of Memory” by Susan Engel

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